THIS....is a banana spider.

Isnt she lovely? Her name was Gretel. She hung out by our rubber tree (its the south, you can grow anything here). Hansel hung out by the pond, but he was smaller, and not picture worthy. Gretel was about as big as the palm of my hand. They dont bite, but they do have a tendancy to fall on your head when you mow the lawn....try throwing yourself off a riding lawnmower and thrashing about wildly on the ground. Spectators love it.

Much to Gretels misfortune, Dean decided to "move" her and wrapped Gretel and her web up in a big stick and moved her to the side of the property. He said she was getting "too big". For kicks, we would throw june bugs on her web and watch her roll them up.

Doesnt take much to entertain us. :)

Snap Out of It

"I took the phone off the hook and threw mail away unopened. I began to look at daytime as an invasion of my privacy...My lack of energy fascinated me. Id sit for hours, trying to convince myself to take a bath." (Wally Lamb, Shes Come Undone, 1992)

What perplexes me is how shit like this sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Theres no physical or mental reason to be depressed right now; its more like a string of events that have really bad timing. You think that its not really affecting you, but then all of a sudden, its a huge effort to walk across the room and pick up a fabric softner sheet thats been under the living room chair for over a week.

Ridiculous things start to make sense too. It seems perfectly reasonable to curl up in front of the door in freezing weather. Its better to sleep because when your awake, you have to make complex decisions, like what shirt to wear.

Banana Spiders

Ok, so I HAVENT included a picture. If I had the inclination, I would do the whole "photobucket" thing, but just take my word for it. They are an abomination. If you dont believe me, ask Andrea.

Don't Forget the Oars

We have a boat.

Before all you mariners get excited, its a 14 ft aluminum boat with a trolling motor. This means it travels roughly at the speed of a 98 year old man with a walker.

Lake Charlotte is actually a nice place to bring the boat. We have even attempted fishing. I have boat "issues", however. My fears include, but are not limited to: capsizing, sinking, or being stranded in the middle of the lake with a dead motor and no oars.

Although I dont claim to be nearly as well prepared as my younger sister when it comes to "in case of emergency" supplies, one thing I do insist on is reminding my husband to make sure he "brings the oars." This is usually met with a snort of contempt or a "We have a motor, what do we need oars for?"

The answer to that question was painfully obvious when one of my fears came true...on one of his fishing trips, he became

A: stranded
B: in the middle of the lake
C: with a dead motor
D: AND NO OARS

Apparently, he tried calling me from his cell phone numerous times. It was one of the rare occassions when I was at work and left my phone in the car. When I got home that night, he entertained me with his story. My favorite parts include:

A: him trying to use a fishing net as an "oar"
B: him pretending to be a gondolier and using a fishing rod to propel himself (the lake has a mud bottom)
C: actually making it to shore and having to pull on cypress tree branches to get to the dock
D: enduring many, many banana spiders in the process.

For those of you who are blissfully ignorant as to what banana spiders are, I have included a picture.

I had conflicting emotions after hearing the story. I laughed uproariously while visualizing the whole thing, but deep, deep down I was REALLY glad that I was not with him. Something tells me that me huddled in the bottom of the stranded boat in a fetal position crying uncontrollably would have really pissed him off.

Hangovers

Last night was our yearly Christmas party.

After ingesting what was probably lethal amounts of alcohol, I fell into bed around 5AM. At 11AM, someone rang my doorbell. The "Jingle Bells" theme that the doorbell is set to sounded like this:

JINGLE BELLS!
JINGLE BELLS!
JINGLE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

I think it was loud enough to break the sound barrier.

I woke up and drank a big cup of coffee. Bad idea.

Then the shakes set in.

Basically, I feel like I had a heavy makeout session with Death.

Im getting too old for this shit.

Blog Cherry

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